Small money signing

So yeah, back to my untapped potential being spotted...

At the end of last season, the Coney Hawks had a surplus number of players, so rather than disappoint several boys, Jason, their manager (I'll come to him in a mo), arranged trials to form a second under 8s team - the Tigers. There was plenty of interest but no manager. I had put myself forward to help out, as I mentioned before, and thought I was quite capable of this. I've seen plenty of helper-outers over the years, not just at boys' football clubs but in cub scout groups and parties - that sort of thing. It doesn't seem to require much, just a need to be on hand to take kids to the toilet, tie up shoelaces, rescue sausages that have jumped from hot-dog buns and onto the floor and break-up scuffles on bouncy castles. But not manager, I can barely manage my own two.

The rest is a bit of a blur. Something happened, someone dropped out, someone put their hand up and said they'd give it a go (me). I was suddenly being sent emails from Coney Hall, addressed, 'to all managers', outlining the season ahead, costs, equipment, meeting dates, rules and regulations and on and on and on...

Rather naively, I assumed I would be sent off on a coaching course to earn my badges, learn how to teach the basics, learn some first aid, maybe a couple of foreign languages so I can communicate with overseas signings. Fully booked, I'm told, but not a problem apparently.

I had a meeting down at the clubhouse a fortnight ago. I sat with six other managers and the club chairman, listening mostly to gripes about the quality of last season's trophies. I nodded furiously when it appeared one of them wanted me to agree with what they were saying and loyally tutted and shook my head with disdain when it seemed that was my requirement. For me, it was similar to being in a meeting at work - I probably got my reaction wrong a couple of times but just assumed nobody really cared what I was thinking. What I was thinking, by the way, (quite like meetings at work), was whether anybody was going to pour us all some drinks from the bar we were sitting beside.

Looking among the other managers, I certainly felt like a fish out of water and didn't particularly feel these were kindred spirits (Jason aside). But these men were all new to this once but more importantly, this is something they choose to do to help children in our community. For that, they have my unflinching respect.

Jason has mentored and supported me with great patience this last couple of months. Of course there's something in it for him, he doesn't want to let down the boys he has had to drop from his squad but he's absolutely great, definitely a future chairman of this club or a similar one. He has been in charge of a team for two or three seasons but looks and acts like he has been doing it forever. He has a great bunch of boys in his team, his own son (Daniel's school friend) included. I would love Daniel to play for him but it only seems right that my son is in my team which is surely my motivation.

And if, you know, your history...

My youngest son was invited to join Coney Hawks (one of Coney Hall's mini-league teams) towards the end of last season. I think they may have been looking for a goalkeeper and Daniel had obviously shown the coach's son real aptitude for this in the infant school playground. But by the time we had got ourselves together and taken him along for a training session, another lad had been bought a pair of goalie gloves and had ably taken on the between the sticks mantle.

The club is five minutes away in the car. I would tell you how long it takes to walk it but as it's five minutes in the car, we haven't found out yet. Sorry, heart. It's a cute place with a family-run feel about it. I have no evidence to back this up whatsoever, aside from a little food hatch, where a lovely woman sells weak coffee to parents and e-number-packed sweets and drinks to the boys. (I haven't seen any girls playing for any of the teams yet but I will be monitoring this situation and let you know my findings). Anyway, having taken my eldest son Ben to numerous clubs in the North Kent area and not particularly warmed to any of them, this one felt different. What's that you say? Oh yes, yes, it does have a bar.